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Archive – Bobbie R. Byrd
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When Godzilla Attacked Mississippi


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The summer of 2021 — July to be exact — was one of the most memorable summer months in a very long time. It was the summer that Godzilla attacked my home state of Mississippi.

 

If you ever questioned whether the natural events that take place here on planet Earth are in any way interconnected, any doubts you may have had along that line should have vanished when Godzilla walked his dusty ass through Mississippi in July 2021.

 

What is this Godzilla of which I write, you ask?

Godzilla is the nickname meteorologists gave to a huge cloud of dust from the Sahara Desert in northern Africa that blew across the Atlantic Ocean to fuck up my respiratory system for all eternity. The moniker “Godzilla” was chosen because this cloud was one big mamma-jamma, and because it attacked the U.S. Gulf Coast and the southern United States like a beast.

When Godzilla decided to kick my ass, he did it with a vengeance.

It began about midday in the middle of the week. I’m at my home, working on a freelance writing assignment, and I started to feel a scratchy sensation in my throat. I really didn’t think that much of it at the time; I simply upped my consumption of liquids, thinking my throat was just dry. But over the next several hours, the coughing got worse.

By the next day, I couldn’t draw a decent breath without setting off an extended, painful fit of uncontrollable coughing. When my son arrived home from work in mid-afternoon, we loaded up and took me to my doctor’s office. I’d emailed the doc earlier, told him what was going on, and requested he see me, which he agreed to do.

We get to the doctor’s office and my son must go inside to get a wheelchair for me. At this point, I was lightheaded and dizzy from coughing so much. In we go to the doc’s office. The nurse checks my vitals, including the oxygen level in my blood. She looks at the reading (84% on room air) and immediately runs out to get the doc. He comes in, takes one look at me, and says to my son, “Take her to the Emergency Room. Now.”

So…load back up in the car, go to the local Emergency Room, and sit in the waiting room for two hours, coughing and hacking and trying to barf up a lung. They finally get me into the back, check my oxygen level, and inform me that my breathing is not supplying me with adequate oxygen.

Uh…no shit, Sherlock…I hadn’t noticed…

Anyway…lots of breathing treatments, medications, some IV fluids, debate over whether to put me in the hospital or not, and they finally decide to send me home around 2 in the morning. Get home, crash into the bed, lights out ‘cause I’m whooped at this point.

Next day…Godzilla comes back for round two.

The coughing started again in the late afternoon on the day after I homesteaded in the ER for most of the night. Within a few hours, I was once again gasping for air. My son packs me up and heads back to the Emergency Room.

They don’t fart around this time and take me straight to a treatment room upon my arrival at the ER. Again with the breathing treatments, some IV fluids, and medications. They also put me on oxygen. Well…as soon as I started snorting that oxygen, I began to feel better. (Moral of the story: oxygen is our friend.)

So….

Thanks to Godzilla, I’m now on oxygen 24/7.

All because of a cloud of dust.

 

Ain’t that a bitch.

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Those Best Laid Plans

Those Best Laid Plans

 

I graduated from high school in May of 1975. Everything I know about writing, I learned in high school. My English teacher — this was in the days before it became “Language Arts” — was tough as nails, knew her subject matter, and knew how to teach it. Here I am now, more than a few years later, and I can’t tell you the order of operations for a math equation but I know a split infinitive when I see one.

One of the things I recall from the literature portion of my high school studies is a quote by Robert Burns: “The best-laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.” No truer words have ever been uttered. I now find myself in a position where one of my best-laid schemes has gone awry.

After much thought, pondering, cussing and discussing among family and friends, and investigation into the pros and cons, I have decided to take the leap into self-publishing my sci-fi series of novels. This is not a move I take lightly, and I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do. But my gut tells me it is, and I seldom contradict my gut.

I’ve done the query agents thing. I’ve sent my query letter to more than one publishing house. I’ve received more rejections than L’il Abner ever threw at Daisy Mae. I did have one publisher that offered a contract but I had to decline. The conditions were not agreeable to me, which is a fancy way of saying they were seriously trying to screw me over without dinner and a movie first.

I asked myself why I wanted to publish my writing anyway. After more than one sleepless night pondering that particular question, I had to admit to myself that one of the major motivations is the number of people over my lifetime who’ve told me I couldn’t. Not just that I couldn’t publish a novel, but told me I couldn’t do a number of things I wanted to do. I don’t blame them so much as I blame myself for allowing them to convince me I couldn’t.

There are other reasons that I am now unwilling to wait the two or three years it would take to get a novel published through a traditional publisher. The foremost reason is my age. I’m not dead yet but I am on the downhill slide of my life expectancy. Time becomes an issue when you hit the mid-60s. It is for me, anyway.

I also want to get my entire four-novel series available on the market, and possibly a couple of other books if I have time before moving on to the next life. (I used to think Shirley McLane was nutso. Now, not so much…) Not so much because I want to see my name on the cover of an honest-to-God novel but because I want to leave my son something of potential value. Whatever my efforts garner in royalty payments will continue to go to him after I’m pushing up daisies. He’s my biggest fan and number one cheerleader, so he deserves it.

So…thus begins the grand foray into the world of independent publishing, making me an official independent author. We’ll see how it goes…

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Ode to Grape Salad


Ode to Grape Salad

 There are some things in this world that border on Heaven on Earth. I’ve never been to Heaven (that I’m aware of) so I can’t make a 100% comparison, but I can certainly name a few things that surely must come close. If there is any semblance of righteousness and justice in this plane of existence, these things are right up there at the top of the “got to be damn close to Heaven on Earth” list.

First on the list is cheesecake.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a cheesecake from the grocery store deli, from the high-end bakery in the hoity-toity section of town, one your Aunt Matilda brings to every family get-together and claims she made herself from scratch but you all know it’s from a mix, one you make at home from your own great-grandmother’s recipe or one of those no-bake mixes you whipped up with your trusty hand mixer.

Doesn’t matter what fruit you top it with, or whether you even bother to add a topping. A slice of cheesecake is a slice of Heaven.

Second on the list: grapes.

We’re talking fresh grapes of any color, grape jelly, grape jam, and grapes magically transformed into a fine wine. Grapes are definitely a gift to humanity from [insert name of your favorite deity here.]

You can even sun-dry those babies into raisins. A grape by any other name….

Hell, they even look good just sitting in a bowl on the counter. So, if you don’t like to eat them (perhaps you have alien ancestors or something), you can use them as a nice decorative item.

You can’t go wrong with grapes.

If you truly want to experience a taste of pure Heaven, indulge yourself in the single most unbelievably delicious concoction humankind has ever concocted.

Grape salad.

Picture it….

Fresh, crisp, chilled grapes. I personally like the greens, reds, and blacks. Seedless, of course.

A chilled, firmly set but not too stiff mixture of cheesecake (unbaked). Add to this cream cheese whipped until creamy smooth, with sugar to taste and a dash of pure maple syrup to taste. Whip it all together and place in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

Place your washed grapes in a bowl. Spoon your cheesecake mixture over them and gently mix.

Sit down, prop your feet up, relax and stuff your face with this to-die-for burst-of-goodness-in-every-bite.

Or you can go with potato chips and a beer. Heaven is in the [insert your favorite body part here] of the beholder….

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Birthday cake or bonfire?

 

Now that April is here, I’m wondering how I’ll get 64 candles on my birthday cake or if I should even try. There’s probably some sort of law against starting a potentially destructive fire of such magnitude. Maybe I’ll go with those numeral candles. That would only be two little flames on top — one on the six and one on the four.

I’m at the age that I really don’t care about having candles on my birthday cake. It’s still nice to have a cake and a dab of ice cream to go with it, there’s no denying that. But I’m not going to get my panties in a wad if I don’t get one.

If I did have a cake and candles, I’d have to blow them out. Huffing and puffing to put out that many little flames wouldn’t be a problem but the making a wish part could get a bit difficult.

What do I have to wish for?

I have the son I always wanted, and he’s grown into a good, honest, strong man. I could not ask for a better child. He’s working full time, building his life, and taking care of his business. He’s turned out fantastic, in spite of his not-wound-so-tight momma.

He did inherit my potty mouth but I can’t complain. I know where he learned it.

Back to the wish thing.

I have my own home that sits on a little plot of land that’s all mine. I have family and friends that I love dearly and who love me back. I have three dogs that adore me unconditionally, as dogs are wont to do.

I have clothes to wear, food to eat (which I consume in mass quantities at times), and a car for transportation. I’m warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

There are a ton of things I’d like to have, things that I want. But none of it is something I need. I have what I need. And I know the difference between need and want. So, I think I’ll pass on the whole “make a wish” tradition this year. I’ve done it for 63 years. I’ll donate my wish to someone who needs it more than I do this year.

 

You’re welcome.